Increase self-compassion using the friend test
Think about an issue that you often criticise yourself about (e.g., your social skills, working ability, appearance, etc.). Using the first block below, write the types of things you usually say to yourself about this issue. Also, note the tone of voice with which you say them.
In the second block, pretend it was not you but a close and cared-for friend who was struggling with the same issue. Now write out what you would say to them, and again note the tone of voice you would use with them.
In the third block pretend you were dealing with a child who was struggling with the same concerns. Again, write out what you would say to them, and again note the tone of voice you would use with them.
Me
I would say…
Voice Tone:
Friend
I would say…
Voice Tone:
Child
I would say…
Voice Tone:
What do you notice? If the way you talk to yourself is very different from how you would deal with a friend or child, think about why this is the case, and what it says about the helpfulness of self-criticism.
When you notice your self-criticism, re-phrase this and speak to yourself as you would your best friend or a small child. Putting critical self-talk through this test can really make a difference in how you feel about yourself.
Check out our other help articles and self-care exercises.