What makes a happy and satisfied life?
This is a million-dollar question, but how many of us take time to consider what our answers might be?
Interestingly, happiness and satisfaction are not linked to money beyond a certain level of security, and the effects of money level off the more you have. Happiness and satisfaction are however linked to your own individual sense of how much you are living in line with your purpose and meaning in life.
We live purposefully when we live according to our values, passions and skills, so first we need to identify what these are for us. Understanding what really matters to you and what sort of person you want to be, motivates action, laying the foundation for purpose and meaning and how you want to behave on an on-going basis. Unsurprisingly, there is an intense satisfaction when we do this.
Broadly, this means that we feel happier and more satisfied when we do what we think is worthwhile and adds a value that we believe is important in life. This can be in or out of work, or both, but research tells us that when ‘what we do’ taps into our own beliefs and values, then we get a natural wellbeing benefit from that. Helping others, blazing a tech trail, creating music etc. More specifically, it could be working to give the most vulnerable support, home-schooling your children, donating to animal charities to save lives, engaging in park runs to have fun with others, or volunteering at weekends for environmental projects in our countryside.
There is no right or wrong way to add meaning to life, and we are all different, thankfully.
How to identify your values, passions and skills
The following tasks will help you understand what you value most in the key areas of your life and what gives you a strong sense of purpose. They will also reveal your passions and what you want your life to look like.
Write down everything that you are good at and what you love to do, including the qualities this requires. You could also include thinking of the qualities that you admire in others and what you might like to develop in yourself
Write a list of all the things you value in the 4 key areas of: Relationships, Work or Education, Health and Leisure. These are the things that are deeply important to you, which have the most meaning and reflect how you want to act. It could be honesty and kindness in relationships, or fairness and equality at work. Then consider how much you are living your life by your values in each of these areas. If you need a template to assist you, try completing the Bulls Eye sheet
Revisiting an old interest or hobby that you have left behind can rekindle a past love for something you forgot about. Spend some time brushing up your knowledge or skills of this old and loved habit
Boost your confidence by setting an immediate specific goal in line with a core value, e.g. I will cook a healthy dinner tonight; I will offer more help to vulnerable people; I will donate money to a cause I support. Continue on to set a mix of short, medium and long-term goals. Setting goals that are intrinsically rewarding is part of helping you on your way to achieving your purpose
Tips to get going
Set goals that work towards achieving something rather than avoiding or stopping something. For example, saying “I will eat 3 pieces of fruit a day instead of eating chocolate” is better than saying “I want to stop eating chocolate”.
Listen to what other people think you’re good at; perhaps there is something you haven’t quite seen in yourself yet
Try asking yourself “what can I do with my time that is important to me?”
Injustices that bother you can also indicate what causes you believe in and value
Imagery exercises that reveal your values and beliefs
One Year from Now: Imagine that one year from now, you are looking back at a difficulty you are facing at the moment. Imagine that you have handled it in the best possible way, behaving like the person you really want to be, deep in your heart. From that perspective, answer these questions:
What qualities or strengths (e.g. courage, kindness, compassion, persistence, honesty, caring, supportiveness, honesty, integrity, love, commitment) did you live by or act upon in the face of this?
How did you treat yourself as you dealt with this?
How did you treat others who you care about?
Imagine that you inherit a fortune: What would you do with it? Who would be there to share those activities or appreciate the things you buy? How would you act towards all those people who share your new life? What would you like to improve for yourself and for others and why?
Imagine your 80th birthday party. Two or three people make speeches about what you stand for, what you mean to them and the role you played in their life. In an IDEAL world where you have lived your life as the person you want to be, what would you hear them saying?
Finally, finding what makes you happy through understanding purpose and meaning, is a journey of discovery about yourself. Being curious about what makes you tick is so valuable and fun too! There may be changes to your life plan through this curiosity and discovery, but the key is to check in with yourself to see how your values are changing and keeping in tune with them every step of the way.
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