From self-conscious to self-confident: Four ways to manage social anxiety after lockdown
Social anxiety is defined as a fear of social situations. It makes us think negatively about what’s going to happen in the situation, focus on what’s going badly during the interaction, and afterwards dwell on what went wrong.
Moving out of lockdown many more people will be experiencing some anxiety about social situations. Here are some tips to help alleviate those fears.
Put your attention on others
Simon Cowell famously reported that his father taught him the key to social confidence with other people was to simply imagine that everyone has a sign above their heads with the words ‘make me feel important’ written on it. Putting the majority of your attention and resources onto the person you are with takes the pressure outside and off yourself. Be curious and interested in other people, and think how you can reassure them instead. Notice what’s going on around you and remember your personal reason for socialising.
Turn down the monitor
The monitor is that part of your mind that is continually checking how you are doing during a social situation by feeding back through pictures and self-talk inside your head, “I look wrong”, “I keep forgetting what to say, what a fool”, “What if they ask me about something I don’t know?” The louder the monitor, the more you will be distracted, self-focused and anxious; the lower the monitor the more able you are to focus on the other and feel the benefits of the interaction.
And when it’s over, try not to analyse thoughts that suggest others may have been judging you or what you think you did wrong. Other people will have moved on and will not be analysing your every word or action.
Don’t avoid social situations when they start up again, but make a re-entry plan
Avoidance incubates anxiety and makes things worse in the long run, but we’ve all been forced to avoid and are lacking in social experiences, so start gradually, like you would with anything you haven’t done for a while. Begin with the easiest and most comfortable situations first, moving gradually towards the more intense social situations, when they are allowed.
Most importantly do what you value and what you enjoy
Perhaps you like a quieter life and lockdown has revealed a less stressful way to live that suits you. Perhaps you have been missing a busy social scene so much that you will do your best to keep an active social life going forward. We are each different in our needs and confidence means something different for everyone.
Further reading on self-confidence: