Dealing with your loneliness
You do not need to be alone to feel lonely.
It is important that we really let this statement sink in. Read it aloud and repeat it. You should never attempt to invalidate your feelings of loneliness just because you are not physically alone. You may have a wide circle of friends, work in a bustling office, live with multiple family members, and STILL experience loneliness.
Recently described as a public health emergency, loneliness affects around 1 in 3 Brits (~25 million), while 7.1% of UK adults (~4 million) currently experience ‘chronic loneliness’, up from 6% in 2020 (Campaign to End Loneliness, 2023).
The mental, physical and emotional effects:
60% of people suffering from chronic loneliness experience mental distress (Gov UK, 2023)
Loneliness can elevate blood pressure and induce acute stress (Brown, Gallagher and Creaven, 2018)
Loneliness can result in ‘poorer sleep quality’ in the young adult population (Matthews et al., 2017)
What you can do to alleviate your loneliness
There are many ways at the individual level that we can ‘combat’ our loneliness. There are a couple questions we can ask ourselves to get started: are we aware of our loneliness? And can we identify the source of it? For some, it might be really difficult to put a finger on it. For others, it may be quite clear; it’s just we’re not sure how to deal with it.
One common cause is social media, particularly among the younger generations. We may see friends on city breaks or travelling the world while we’re stuck on the 9-5 grind, or out for drinks on a Friday night while we’re left indoors recovering funds and/or energy during the winter months. Here we must try to remember that what we see on social media are only the highlights; these platforms are places where we present the “best version” of ourselves. These same friends who appear to always be out having fun still have their down moments.
For others, you may have recently moved neighbourhood, live alone, work remotely, or live with an existing physical or mental health condition, or struggle with the intrinsic isolation of the cold and dark winter (particularly for those suffering with SAD). Whatever your background and whatever triggers your feelings of loneliness, we can all take simple steps to combat it:
Don’t try to ‘combat’ the loneliness at all. Instead, sit with it - this may initially sound strange, but allowing ourselves the time to become aware of and reflect on these feelings is half ‘the battle’. We may become suddenly aware of previously undefined triggers or realise that we were getting caught up in our emotions and catastrophising
An attitude of gratitude - when we feel lonely we are quick to overlook the positive. Ask yourself: what am I grateful for? Visualise a time or place in your mind where you felt truly happy. Write down what you’re excited for this year. You may find that the positive soon drowns out the negative
Practise self-compassion - with loneliness often comes reduced confidence and lower self-esteem. We often start to self-criticise and neglect all our positive traits and qualities. Increasing positive self-talk and limiting social comparisons can be extremely powerful antidotes to loneliness
Embrace having an empty weekend in your calendar - not having constant social plans isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Whether you’re an introvert, extrovert or ambivert, our mind and body need time to rest and recharge, and these colder, darker months represent a fantastic opportunity to do just that. A free diary may also result in last-minute, spontaneous plans, which can often turn out to be the most fun
Treasure solo experiences - from a simple walk in nature (remember to wrap up warm!) to a solo backpacking trip, time alone can actually be very empowering. We realise that we don’t have to miss out on life experiences just because we may have to do certain things alone. And whatever the solo experience may be, you might just surprise yourself with who you might end up meeting
Make connections - start a new hobby, message that old friend, volunteer in the local community. Stereotypical suggestions? Perhaps. But they are powerfully effective in boosting mood, building a sense of purpose and reducing feelings of loneliness
For much more information on loneliness and access to a plethora of fantastic resources, please visit Campaign to End Loneliness.
