Bringing down the walls of stigma and getting mentally fit for life

When things are hidden away they remain stigmatised. The more we talk, listen, watch and read about mental health and wellbeing, the more familiar and desensitised we become to the fear of it, and can accept it as a normal part of our human experience, on par with a physical ailment. The last year has definitely begun this process, but there is a way to go.

The Stigma 

The stigma is deep-rooted, having become ingrained in our national identity as part of ‘the stiff upper lip’ that the Brits are often characterised by. 

How many of us are willing to say to our boss that we can’t cope this week because we feel overwhelmed with difficult feelings and can’t think straight anymore? How many battle on until they do become burned out? But in contrast, how many of us will feel a need to say we have a sore throat or have been sick in the night to justify having the day or two to recuperate and feel back in balance again? Unfortunately, this is the case for too many, because we don’t feel safe admitting to this emotional feeling of unwellness; this is the stigma deep at work! 

We all have mental health in the same way we all have physical health. Both are a spectrum of wellness and we all sit somewhere along this spectrum, and it will vary over time throughout life depending on our experiences (and often the things we have no control over). Just like physical health, we can influence where we sit by taking action to do whatever helps keep us closer to the healthier side of the spectrum. The taking action, however, requires us to be aware of ‘what’ action and ‘how’ it helps, and this is where the difference lies between physical and mental fitness currently.

We know what action to take when we have a physical health problem. We may consider stopping smoking, reducing alcohol, watching our diet and taking exercise regularly, because we are aware of how our heart and lungs function, and what our body needs to be strong in terms of muscles and stamina. But because mental health has been so stigmatised over the years, people haven’t talked nor shared information, and ‘what helps’ hasn’t been spread through the population in the same way.  

Providing the right tools, raising awareness to improve mental fitness through psycho-education is key, and the stigma needs to stop for this to happen in a way that makes a difference.

Being Mentally Fit for Life

Life events are often out of our control; job loss, divorce, bereavement, illness, discrimination, etc. These are the happenings of life and they will test us many times across our lives, but think of the difference if we were prepared and trained for this, if we were open to psycho-education and had practised mental fitness exercises that build resilience into our systems. 

It’s not necessarily going to make it easy to get through difficult times, you’re still going to feel overwhelmingly sad when you lose someone close, but you will be more prepared for what it might make you feel like, that this is entirely normal, and that there will be a process to go through over a period of time. Importantly, you will know that feelings will change and you won’t get stuck, instead, you will have the tools to navigate your way through, and even grow, from a difficult experience.

Normalising our feelings

Our emotions are not enemy forces to be suppressed or whipped into shape, rather they are entirely natural responses protecting us and helping us to understand and interpret the world. Negative states are not all health problems to be fixed, nor a sign of dysfunction. Psychiatrist, Lucy Foulkes, writes “we need to figure out a way to talk about negative emotions without sending the message that there is something dysfunctional about you for feeling that way.”

“We need to figure out a way to talk about negative emotions without sending the message that there is something dysfunctional about you for feeling that way.”

Taking Action

It is important to cultivate curiosity and self-knowledge to provide personal insight.  Through the 87% wheel of wellbeing you can focus on finding balance and growth in the areas that you aspire to, yet also work on some of the areas that you find more challenging, that may form barriers to your life. 

When we recognise the patterns and interconnectedness of our mind and body we can do something to change things. Emotions and feelings are mutually influenced by thoughts and behaviours, but this can be just outside our awareness and so we may unconsciously reinforce unhelpful cycles and patterns. There are various ways we can raise personal awareness and from this we can understand what we would like to be different, making changes, moving towards a life we want. 

Try these tips to raise awareness:

Use a mood tracker. Tracking your mood daily and linking the mood to particular situations or thoughts is one of the best ways to notice and name what you are feeling. It can be surprising how much this small action helps. 

Develop your sense of interoception. We can ‘feel inside’ and sense the internal state of the body using something called interoception. It’s what helps us know we are hungry or cold as well as what we feel. Have a go at counting your own heartbeat first, for 1 minute, without checking you pulse. Next measure it against your pulse to see how accurate you were. Challenge yourself to get more accurate.

Don’t believe everything that you think! Thoughts are not facts and we need to discern the unhelpful ones. Note dominant thoughts or patterns of thinking by keeping a thought diary. Link these with specific feelings and behaviours. Once noted we can assess if this is truly what we believe, and to see if the thought fits into a particular thinking style, such as ‘all or nothing thinking’, or ‘personalising’ blame. There are about 12 universal unhelpful patterns that have been identified in CBT.

Talk to someone. Talking brings into awareness what you’ve been thinking and feeling through a natural narrative. Expressing helps you hear your problem, and the other person can also re-frame things for you too. It unloads a burden and relieves tension.  Often a friend or family member is enough, but there are many types professionals you can seek help from, for whatever you need.

Use mindfulness to change your relationship to your thinking. Although many people use mindfulness to feel calm, its aim is more an opportunity to reveal the active nature of the mind and the thinking it produces, often without will. Practising this noticing, and not running with the judgements, helps to put some distance between the thoughts arising, and the ‘you’ that observes the thought. This distance unhooks the power of the thought and the hold it might have over us.