Are you starved of connection, or enjoying the solitude?

What do we need to live?

The basic need for water, food, sleep, movement and safety are genetic drivers that help us grow and thrive. Emotional needs are more complex but we also need love, connection and a sense of belonging, because that gives us the self-esteem to feel valued, motivated and accomplished. 

These days Covid is disrupting our familiar means of connecting with each other and we’re forced to be deprived socially, whether it suits our connection needs, or not!

This is impacting people in different ways all over the country. Some people feel depressed when too isolated and lonely, and some can feel stressed by too much interaction and stimulation, and frequently need ‘time out’. A lot of people feel a mixture of both, and that’s normal too, but can also be confusing. Each person’s tolerance varies along a spectrum, depending on their personal needs. 

What are your Connection needs?

Try this exercise: 

1 - Draw a horizontal line across a page and on the right hand side write a word that for you means social connection. This could be something like togetherness or closeness, but more importantly it’s a word that you identify with.  

2 - On the left hand side, write a word that for you means solitude. This could be privacy, seclusion or aloneness, but again whatever resonates for you.  

3 - At the end of the line on the far left write loneliness.

4 - Between solitude and social connection, write in some words that give a sense of connectedness along the continuum, for example companionship, being with, feeling separate, etc.  

5 - Take some time to reflect where you are today and where you may have felt in the last several months, or even in 2020. 

Having a real sense of how feelings fluctuate along this continuum will increase your self-awareness around what your social needs are. This will help you change your connection with others to feel better. Whether that means calming it down towards reflective solitude and finding some peace and quiet, or ramping it up with some joint activity with others in your bubble. 

In contented solitude we can read, write and relax easily. In social connection we can do a zoom catch up or quiz if you live alone, or, if you live with others, play a board game, do a jigsaw or do some cooking together. There are projects to collaborate on within music and art and you can now even watch a movie with a friend on the phone or over the computer! Writing a gratitude letter to someone who made a difference to your life can be an uplifting way to be in solitude, whilst reaching out to connect meaningfully with an important other.