Our ability to think ahead is the key difference between our brain and every other creature on the planet. The downside of this ability is our need to manage information about a future that is out of our control and uncertain.

Everyone differs in how much uncertainty they can tolerate. Some people love the randomness of life and are happy to go with the flow. Some people focus on problem-solving to manage what is going to happen next. And others find doubt and unpredictability distressing and attempt to avoid such experiences at all costs. When something happens that can’t be avoided, it can feel overwhelming.

The worry trap

If you fall into the worry camp, you may have a tendency to prepare for the worst and get ready for any eventuality by using worry as a tool to predict your life, and ensure there are no nasty surprises. This does indeed reduce your experience of uncertainty and also gives feelings of relief, however, this strategy tends to maintain your worry, because it helps you believe you have more control in life.

Bad news… in reality, it is only your perception that you have control over. Does worry ever make anything more predictable or certain? Has worrying changed the outcome of what will happen? Probably not, yet in the meantime, you have thought of many worse-case scenarios that may never happen, worked yourself into feeling awful inside, and sometimes feel too paralysed to take any action.

3 ways to accept uncertainty and reduce your worry

1 - Challenge any intolerance of uncertainty to change your belief that the need for certainty is helpful. See if you can come to an understanding of the disadvantages and problems of being intolerant of uncertainty. Ask yourself the following questions:

Is it possible to be certain about everything in life?
How is needing certainty in life helpful or unhelpful?
What are the advantages and disadvantages of requiring certainty?
How likely is it that the things you predict will happen and is it possible to live with the small chance that something negative might happen, given its likelihood is very low?
Is predicting bad things a reasonable thing to do?
What is the likelihood of positive or neutral outcomes?

Instead of “what if I can’t manage?” ask yourself, “what if I can manage?”

Ask a friend how they cope with uncertainty and see if that works for you too.

2 - Build acceptance strategies and mindfulness techniques toreduce future-focused thinking and the need for certainty in the future. Worrying is a form of thinking about the future in ways that leave you feeling anxious or apprehensive by predicting something bad might happen. It is often part of an ever-worsening chain of thoughts, which can be experienced as uncontrollable and take on a life of its own.

Follow these three steps to become present focused:

Become aware of what you are currently thinking in your mind and feeling in your body. Ask yourself “what am I noticing when I need certainty?” Acknowledge any thoughts, feelings, sensations or urges, by seeing how it currently is for you and saying to yourself “so this is how it is right now, and that is ok.”

Let go of the need for a quick fix, by saying something to help you let go of the need for certainty. “This worry is only my need for certainty but it’s ok to let it go.” Worries are thoughts that you can disengage from by taking your attention off them and instead re-focusing your attention on your physical body. Push your feet onto the ground, notice your breath, or press your fingertips gently together.

Be non-judgemental when your mind wanders back to needing certainty. Congratulate yourself for noticing when your mind has wandered and gently return your focus to the here and now. What can you encourage yourself with to help you stay present-focused? Maybe going back to your breath? End the exercise by giving your full attention to whatever you are going to do next.

3 - Learn the difference between ‘real worry’ and ‘hypothetical worry’

You can either worry about real events that are actual problems affecting you right now, such as “my car is going to break down”, or “my friend isn’t speaking to me”. Or we can worry about hypothetical things that don’t currently exist but which may happen in the future, such as “what if my partner has a crash”, or “I might never get a job I like.”

If we are experiencing a worry about an actual real problem, then we can use our forward-thinking brain to solve the issue. Firstly, brainstorm the problem, thinking of all possible answers, and then for each answer do a pros and cons analysis. This engages the rational (rather than emotional) region of the brain and a more helpful approach can be found.

There is nothing we can do about a hypothetical worry, it’s impossible to solve! Instead, we need to find a way to acknowledge that we are having this worry and then to let it go and refocus your mind to the present.

Applying the skills from the acceptance and mindfulness suggestions above will help you detach or separate from such worries.