Self-confidence is much more than just a positive feeling in your body; it’s an attitude and approach that leads to being motivated and living how you want to. When you are self-confident, your authentic self is happily in charge of your life. 

But to be self-confident after lockdown, we need a little self-understanding, a good support network and some tips to manage social interactions, especially after a while without needing them!

Self-confidence, self-esteem and mental health

Being self-confident has real bonuses for our mental health, but when our confidence is knocked, we get tricky thoughts and feelings that undermine our sense of self, raise doubts, and suddenly we find we are behaving in ways that move us away from the life we want.   

Self-confidence is part of self-esteem, which is a personal measure of your self-worth. Having belief in yourself and trust in your own abilities and qualities increases self-esteem and fuels self-confidence, but it can vary across life, and is heavily influenced by our experiences, especially with other people.

Some people confuse arrogance with confidence, outer show with inner strength. 

The need to be capable and valuable is natural and continues through our adult life experiences too, and the people around us can really help our self-esteem and confidence. We will all come across situations that might floor us for a while, but it is the way we deal with this and the support we get that matter for our confidence.

What self-confidence isn’t

Some people confuse arrogance with confidence, outer show with inner strength. No one likes a big head and too much self-esteem or over-confidence can be a real turn off for people and not healthy for you. If you’re overly confident in your abilities then you are less likely to take steps to do the practice that gets results. It’s about balance and having enough confidence to serve yourself well, and at the same time be considerate and helpful to those around you.  

Self-confidence and comparisons

Self-confidence plummets when we get involved in comparisons. To a degree, it’s natural to compare to self-motivate, but too much comparison leads to envy and low self-worth. Thinking that other people are better or have more than you will erode your confidence.  

Remember, your perception is based on limited facts and assumptions, often only on part of a story, or on photographs on social media that don’t relay the reality of a person’s life. It is far better to acknowledge that we all have good fortune and bad fortune, and none of us know what someone else is carrying, despite the outward image of their bliss. 

Four ways to free yourself from the trap of self-comparison

• Be kind and helpful to others. Altruism helps us change our perspective from an inward view, out towards others, to see what they need and what we can do for them. If we can help them we can feel good on their behalf, empathising with their achievement, and we can also feel pleased with ourselves for doing this... a win-win

• Make sure you cultivate a circle of support. Choose friends and family who have your interests at heart, who remind you of the good in you, who listen and encourage you and motivate you to want to be your authentic self. In return, do the same for them and in your honest appraisal of them, know that they are being honest with you

• Practice gratitude. Being envious of someone else’s life undermines confidence, making you feel that you haven’t been able to achieve what they have. It’s too easy to overlook the good things about your life and take them for granted, so the next time you notice the green-eyed monster, turn the focus back on you and remind yourself of your own successes and strengths and find the things you can count as a blessing

• Avoid those that judge and compare. Notice who the more negative people in your life are, those who judge and compare and through doing this make you doubt yourself.  Limit your time with them, or if you can, weed them out