My daughter is now 6 months old; she is my first child and it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions and a steep learning curve. There have been moments of pure joy in that short space of time, as well some difficult moments and emotions too. I’m still so early on into my journey of fatherhood, with much more to learn myself, but I hope that by sharing some of my experiences so far it can help you on your own personal journey. 

Here are a few key things to consider:

Communicate

There were (and still are) times when I was anxious, overwhelmed and even terrified of becoming a father, so don’t be afraid to communicate that to someone if that’s how you feel. I opened up to a friend about how hard I was finding being a dad. This gave me the confidence to speak more honestly with my manager at work about my personal situation and the difficulties I was having. This helped to ease work related pressure as my manager understood my situation, became more supportive and flexible with my working arrangements. 

Make time for yourself

This one can be a little more difficult, because how do you find time for yourself when you have a baby that needs you almost 24/7? Make use of the support network around you. I found that you don’t need massive amounts of time to recharge. For me, getting out for a short walk each day and sometimes a coffee by myself allowed me that time to clear my mind. 

Let go of unreasonable expectations

There is no such thing as a perfect parent (or baby for that matter). Being a dad is very challenging at times, that is part of the journey. It’s just that no one is really talking about how hard it is, or can be, so I felt like I had to do everything by the book to get it right. The fact is, it is not possible to get everything right, and you can’t parent by textbook. Find what works for you and go with it, don’t spend time comparing yourself with others. 

Your feelings matter too

When my daughter was born, I was 3 weeks away from starting a new job. I felt so much pressure to be a good partner, a good dad and make a good impression at my new job that I overwhelmed myself. I didn’t think how I was feeling really mattered compared to my partner, after all, she was the one who gave birth and was now looking after the baby whilst I was working. The way she was feeling was surely more important than how I was? It was unhealthy thinking and as a dad your feelings matter too, so make sure you talk about them. 

Change

For me, the first few months of my daughter’s life were difficult to adjust to. The tiredness, the crying and the unpredictability of her routine were all things I struggled with. This has improved dramatically as she has got older and settled into a routine. She now has a firm bedtime and sleeps through the night. I’m aware there will be times when she regresses, but things do get easier.

See our other advice and help articles on relationships.