Being able to feel scared is the number one life-saving tool that we have. It is deeply wired into our nervous systems, embedded in our brains and our bodies to respond physiologically when under threat. This defensive response can be a high-energy sympathetic fight (anger) or flight (anxiety), or low-energy dorsal parasympathetic freeze and a depressed dreamlike numbness (as opposed to a helpful ventral parasympathetic response of rest, restore and digest).

When we are scared and we want to feel better we try to rationalise ourselves into a “higher perspective”. For some this can work, but, especially in these challenging times, we can’t always ‘think’ our way into feeling safe, we have to trigger our bodies into feeling safe, says Dr. Stephen Porges in his Polyvagal Theory.

To do this we have to get beyond our conscious minds and into our feeling states to further tone our ancient vagus nerve and cultivate the ventral vagal parasympathetic nerve, that governs the rest and restore response of our bodies. Contemplative and meditative practice, whether through yoga, tai chi, focusing, meditation, mindfulness or even simple focused breathing practices, all have the effect of toning the vagus nerve and allow us to relate to what is currently happening with more resilience and flexibility, instead of fear-induced panic.

Simple breathing or mindful exercises could always be put with this. Or, the following…

3 Step summary:

1. Self-assessment - Check in to how you are in the moment to notice your baseline state, whether this is high intensity or high energy (fight or flight), or numbness and shut down or overwhelmed (freeze)  – this will tell you which defensive state you are in.  Also, tune in to your internal talk going through your mind, is it fast and freaky (flight), annoyed or irritated (fight), or spaced out and dreamlike (freeze).

2. Down-regulating defensive responses – we need different things to help us come out of the different state we are in. If in a shutdown state then we need to soothe ourselves first into a gentle coming back. Diminish external and chaotic stimulation and gently stimulate yourself with nature, visuals of the living world – trees/plants, water, smells.  Come back into the body but be aware of returning to feeling anxious or angry, but this is ok as it is a coming back of sensation.

If in intensity and high threat detection mode, it is important to let the body move; do some yoga, tai chi or gentle dance, allow movement in an organised way. Flight states are energy full and are held in our abdomen region and prevents us from breathing deeply, so breathe more deeply and regulate through counting 4 in and 4 out slowly. Also connect to the earth by grounding through your feet, plant your attention and feeling the connection to the earth. Fight states also need some movement. Try using your arms to re-establish an imaginary boundary like a bubble that can’t be penetrated, tighten your core and contact the ground and breathe into that.

3. Turning on the Connection System – On you have established some equilibrium you can bring on line your ventral vagal system through getting connected. Getting active with nature, gardening, plants, birdsong.

Social distancing is the opposite to engagement so we need to be more creative with technology and virtual gatherings and also intentionally connect with those we live with. Music is a great relational activity. Connect with self internally and notice what is coming up and allow the feelings, which will pass, and most importantly be kind and compassionate towards yourself.